JEFF PROBST: The Yukon. I can’t believe I’m still in the Yukon.
PRODUCTION ASSISTANT: We’re rolling, Jeff.
JEFF PROBST: 38 days ago, sixteen Americans embarked upon the adventure of their lives, here amid the rugged natural splendor of the Canadian Yukon. Their goal: to be the sole remaining Survivor, a title which carries with it the prize of one million dollars. They have endured a harsh environment, both from Nature, and from their opponents. Now, only two Survivors are left.
Tonight, Torgo and Eulabelle will face the ordeal of Tribal Council for the final time. Sitting before a Jury consisting of seven of their former comrades, each will have one last chance to prove that he or she deserves to be… The Sole Survivor.
[Rowsdower Camp. Eulabelle and Torgo are walking around, having a final look at the camp where they have spent the past thirty-nine days.]
EULABELLE: You know, I think I’m actually going to miss this place. Hard to believe we’re leaving tonight.
TORGO: Yes. How do you… THINK the… VOTE…will go?
EULABELLE: I think the women will vote for me. Neil, Mickey, and Roger will probably vote for you.
TORGO: Which leaves B as the… SWING vote. B… COULD… go… EITHER… way.
EULABELLE (laughing): I heard that, mon!
TORGO: Strange, how… THINGS… have worked out.
EULABELLE: How do you mean, Torgo?
TORGO: YOU… and I, the last two… REMAINING. Who would have… THOUGHT… that a couple of… SERVANTS… would be… HERE… at the… END.
EULABELLE: You’re right. And Mickey, a gardener, coming in third.
TORGO: What… ABOUT… Lobo?
EULABELLE: That boy puts on airs that he’s a ‘laboratory assistant’, but I got the feeling, talking to him, that he was doing a lot more than just assisting in the laboratory.
TORGO: An interesting… GROUP… to start with. Glen, and… NEIL, two guys from the… MILITARY.
EULABELLE: Kitten and Melissa, couple of young kids.
TORGO: A… LOT… of people from the… FIELD… of ENTERTAINMENT.
EULABELLE: That’s for sure. Ruby; B; Vivian’s trying to be a screenwriter; Georgia…
TORGO: Georgia’s more… LIKE… artist… MANAGEMENT. Also that Gypsy woman…
EULABELLE: Yeah, what’s her name? Then there’s Anne, who was a home-maker. That leaves Warren and Roger.
TORGO: What... DID… Warren… DO, again?
EULABELLE: He ran a Chevy dealership. I guess the closest thing we had to a professional was Roger, the worm farmer.
TORGO: Worm… RANCHER.
EULABELLE (laughing): Oh, that’s right! Well, we showed ‘em all, didn’t we, Torgo?
TORGO: Yes… Do you… LIKE… your JOB,… Eulabelle?
EULABELLE: I guess so. I work for some fine people, and they appreciate me.
TORGO: I… WISH… I could… SAY… the same.
EULABELLE: Yeah. I got the impression that that Master of yours is pretty mean.
TORGO: I… HATE… him. The things he’s… DONE… to me. Forgive me. I shouldn’t… TROUBLE… you, with… MY… misfortune.
EULABELLE: It’s OK, honey. I understand.
TORGO: Eulabelle, if it’s… NOT… me that… WINS tonight, I’m… GLAD it will be… YOU.
EULABELLE: Aww… I feel the same way, darlin’!
[They embrace, briefly.]
TORGO: Well, should we be… STEPPIN’… over to TRIBAL… Council?
EULABELLE: Lead on, Torgo.
TORGO: Walk… THIS… way. JUST… kidding.
[Tribal Council]
JEFF PROBST: Welcome, for the final time, to Tribal Council. Torgo, Eulabelle, have a seat while we bring in the Jury. [The seven members of the Jury file in, and sit down.] For the two of you, your fate is now in the hands of these seven people. They will each have the opportunity to make a statement, or to ask you a question, as to why you should be named The Sole Survivor. Let’s get started. Georgia?
GEORGIA: First, I’d like to say congratulations to you both for being here. Now, my question: What do you think was your best moment while you were here, and why? Torgo?
TORGO: I’d have… to SAY… it was right… AT the… BEGINNING… when we… USED… the lighter I… SMUGGLED in… to start a… FIRE. [Torgo winces at the memory.]
EULABELLE: I think my finest moment was after Torgo and Mickey came back with the caribou meat. I made a fine gumbo, and everyone seemed to enjoy it. You was all zombified!
JEFF PROBST: Neil, you’re up next.
NEIL: OK, I’ll get right to the point. When we got here, they warned us about the Big 5 major threats to survival: Cold, Caribou, Crap in the water, Kodiak bears, and Cannibalism. Which of these five things do you think was the greatest challenge, and why?
EULABELLE: My answer would be the cold. I’m not used to this cold climate. I spent so much time freezin’ and wheezin’, shiverin’ and quiverin’, I don’t know how the rest of you put up with it!
TORGO: I’d have to… AGREE. The other… things, we could… DEAL with. There is no… ESCAPE… from the… COLD. I can’t… FEEL… my… KNEES.
NEIL: Sorry, the answer I was looking for was Cannibalism. Ruby?
RUBY: Thanks, Sweetie. Which trait, from one of the members of the Jury, do you most admire, and why?
TORGO: I admire… NEIL’S… remarkable… self-RESTRAINT.
EULABELLE: Ruby, I admire the way you think men still find you attractive, even though you’re about twenty years past your prime.
MR. B. NATURAL: Oh, mee-oww! Here’s my question: Who do you think was the most annoying member on this Jury?
EULABELLE & TORGO: You. Because…
MR. B NATURAL: Just stop right there! I didn’t tell you to say why!
JEFF PROBST: Roger, you’re next.
ROGER: OK, here’s mah question: If a Kodiak bear and a caribou was to come into camp, and then one of ‘em started eatin’ our food, but t’other just stood there, and yew had a choice as to which one to chase away, except that one of ‘em was much bigger than the other one, which would it be?
TORGO: What?
ROGER: Ah’ll repeat the question. If a Kodiak bear…
TORGO: KODIAK!
ROGER: OK, did yew understand the question, Eulabelle?
EULABELLE: No. But I’ll say caribou.
ROGER: Ah thanks yew very much, and good luck to both of yew. Mickey?
MICKEY: If you win the million dollars, what is the first thing you’ll do with it? If you win, and after you get back home. When you return. With the million dollars.
[Mickey barely has the question out of his mouth before Eulabelle answers.]
EULABELLE: I’d give a lot of it to charity, mon! Medical research, World Wildlife Fund, Save the Whales, Save the Rainforest! The jungles of Haiti are being deforested, and millions of zombies are losing their habitat.
MICKEY: I’d LIKE… to START… a BASEBALL camp… for underprivileged kids.
JEFF PROBST: OK, our last question is from Melissa.
MELISSA (after a long pause): … Pick a number, between 1 and 1,000.
EULABELLE: Five.
TORGO: Six… … HUNDRED… and… SIXTY… six.
JEFF PROBST: All right. It’s time for the Jury to vote. It’s a little different this time. You will write down the name of the person you think should be the Winner. Is everyone clear on that? Mickey?
MICKEY: Yes. We vote for the person we want to win. Not the loser. We don’t vote for the person we don’t want to win. We don’t not vote for the other person, that isn’t the person that we don’t want to win.
JEFF PROBST: … Umm… yeah. Everyone just vote.
[For the final time, the members of the Jury cast their votes. It is a very tense and dramatic moment. Mickey votes last, and returns with the bowl of votes.]
JEFF PROBST: The votes have now been cast. Torgo and Eulabelle, you have no further control over what happens next. Is there anything you’d like to get off your chest?
TORGO: I’d just LIKE… to SAY… that playing this… GAME with you… GUYS… has been a… REAL… honor. THANK… you.
EULABELLE: Roger, I’ve just been sweatin’ and frettin’ over this for two weeks. I put a voodoo curse on you, so that you were stricken with that boil. I took things from a lot of you, like locks of hair, material from your clothes, and the like. I planned to put a curse on each of you, but Roger was the only one I went through with it on. Sorry, Roger.
ROGER: That’s OK. Ah forgive you. But don’t expect me to forget this!
JEFF PROBST: All right. It is now time to tally the votes, and to find out who is the winner of Survivor 3.01: The Yukon. We’ll be right back.
The Finale
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